i am dedicating this special post to a special someone!

i havent been an extremely dutiful nor sweet gf. the distance makes it hard for me to express my concern. and even though, I am truly concerned, theres nothing much i could do. in times of extreme pain and turmoil, i know a phone call or msg dont really work. im not pushing all the blame to the distance but, it's a mega factor that i cant ignore.

although my list of how ldr sucks can still go on, i have to admit that distance does make the heart grows fonder. and honestly, we arent married yet, i dont think we can stand seeing each other everyday. doesnt it get boring?

people always say that your first one can never be your last and how teenage romance dont last. i know it's difficult and i cant promise or swear that my first would be my last. but i really wish that could happen. cos i know he would make a perfect husband, indirectly meaning that he's not an amazingly sweet and romantic lover. hees. luckily for me, i think im no longer in the phase of fantasizing how relationships should be a duplicate of those dramatic ouxiangju.

honestly, i dont think i can ever find someone else who can be as patient to me, know when to close his ears and dont let my hurtful comments get him. i know how upset he may be when i get nasty, but him appearing nonchalant makes things alot easier for me when i regret my actions. although i am in the wrong, he can always make me less guilty by appearing unaffected. deep down, i know i must have hurt him alot. i need a guy with a strong heart. and that's him :)

he's always there to clean the mess i've created. always there to help me when im lost.

he's always there to listen although he's bad at advising. HAHA! i was really lonely in melb and i really wanted to sing. so i called him and sang to him for almost 2 hours. hahah! i am rather embarrassed now, i cant imagine i have done such lame things before. how embarrassing. LOL. but he's so sweet, stayed by the phone and listen to me sing. HAHA

i used to get jealous easily especially when he first got into HC. i used to feel so insecure and morbidly uptight. i make a huge fuss over small things easily. i was scary. HAHA. but now, i am so unaffected. i dont think it's bad at all. i really trust him now. HAHA, at least for now, i think everything still falls within acceptable range and i trust him. i trust that he wouldnt do anything that makes me sad :)

as for our rs, i think our greatest hurdle now, is my future. his future is more or less set. he is now a scholar of SP. he will end up serving SP for 4 years and that's his life for the next 7 years. very predictable. me? i m not so sure. i dont like what i will be doing and prolly find a way to know what i want to do soon. with everything so unpredictable, how can i say that things will go on smooth for the both of us. i dont even know what i will be in 5 years time. i hope our love can hold us tightly as i work my way to my (currently unknown) dream career.

i trust him more than i trust myself.

lastly, thank you for accepting my fan-girl momentsss. 3 s cos i have alot of those moments. HAHA.

today's your last paper so congratulations! u are a free man now! :D